adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Teammates Fully Support Jonathan Papelbon's Claim That Playoff Loss Was His Fault

BOSTON—Every member of the Boston Red Sox stood behind teammate Jonathan Papelbon during clubhouse interviews Sunday, vociferously defending the embattled reliever's assertion that the team's first-round sweep by the Angels was entirely his fault. "Pap is one of the best in the game, and if he says he single-handedly blew the series, then I'm with him," said second baseman Dustin Pedroia, who agreed that the closer's Game 3 ninth-inning meltdown was "100 percent on Papelbon." "Sometimes you have a bad day, and sometimes that bad day ruins an entire year's worth of work in the blink of an eye. I'm happy to go to war with a man who knows when he fails so totally and completely." Though Papelbon expressed appreciation for his teammates' backing, he did mention that he never actually said anything like that.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close