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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Tearful Biden Carefully Takes Down Blacklight Poster Of Topless Barbarian Chick From Office Wall

WASHINGTON—Sighing wistfully while recalling all the times the psychedelic artwork helped get his “rocks off,” Vice President Joe Biden reportedly grew emotional Thursday as he carefully took down a blacklight poster of a topless barbarian chick from his office wall. “Man, you have no idea how many times staring up at that badass warrior babe’s grade-A rack picked up Ol’ Joe when he was deep in some shit,” said a teary-eyed Biden, who cautiously removed the array of masking tape, poster putty, staples, and thumbtacks affixing the “total mindfuck” print to the wall to avoid damaging the image of the “completely stacked” female warrior. “This was the first and only thing I put up in my office. Hell, I never even bothered to unpack most of these boxes. Damn, that’s a sweet sword. She’s one wild lady-savage with some exotic, tribal powers; let’s just say she’s always known how to charm the snake. Yeah, she’s served Diamond Joe real well, and I can tell Barry likes her too.” At press time, Biden started sobbing uncontrollably while packing up a “High St.” street sign that he and his buddies T-Bone and the Gooch had stolen shortly after he was sworn in as vice president.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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