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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Teary-Eyed Wrestlers Bid Farewell To Friends Made At SummerSlam

LOS ANGELES— Promising that the memories and new friendships made at this year’s pay-per-view event would stay with them forever, the professional wrestlers of the WWE exchanged tearful goodbyes Sunday as SummerSlam 2014 drew to a close. “Oh my God, I’m gonna miss you so much, Randy,” said former heavyweight champion John Cena to Randy “The Viper” Orton as the two hugged outside the Staples Center. “I wish it was next summer already. You’ll email me, right? Maybe you can come visit over Christmas if you want.” WWE sources confirmed that this was the best SummerSlam ever and that SummerSlam friends are friends for life.

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