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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Teary-Eyed Wrestlers Bid Farewell To Friends Made At SummerSlam

LOS ANGELES— Promising that the memories and new friendships made at this year’s pay-per-view event would stay with them forever, the professional wrestlers of the WWE exchanged tearful goodbyes Sunday as SummerSlam 2014 drew to a close. “Oh my God, I’m gonna miss you so much, Randy,” said former heavyweight champion John Cena to Randy “The Viper” Orton as the two hugged outside the Staples Center. “I wish it was next summer already. You’ll email me, right? Maybe you can come visit over Christmas if you want.” WWE sources confirmed that this was the best SummerSlam ever and that SummerSlam friends are friends for life.

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