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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Ted Cruz Names This Fuckin’ Lady—Remember Her?—As VP Pick

INDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to regain momentum after a disappointing showing in Tuesday’s primaries, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz announced at a rally Wednesday that his choice for vice president would be this fuckin’ lady—remember her? “I’ve prayed about this decision for a long time, and I wholeheartedly believe that she is the right person to fight for the future of our country,” said Cruz of that woman from before, you know, the one who got fired from the computer company for doing a shitty job and sucked so bad at running for president that she quit after just two primaries. “She has proven herself to be an impressive business leader and defender of American values. I have complete confidence in [this goddamn woman again] as my running mate.” At press time, sources were speculating that Donald Trump would likely soon select that huge fucking asshole who’s always hanging around him as his running mate.

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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

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