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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Ted Danson Totally Nails Tonight Show Interview

BURBANK, CA—Despite his initial anxiety, actor Ted Danson reported Tuesday that he "totally nailed" an important five-minute interview aired at 12:15 a.m. with Tonight Show host Jay Leno. "I really thought I was going to blow it, that I wouldn't know how to answer any of Mr. Leno's questions, but I somehow lucked out and had an anecdote for just about every single one," said Danson, who claimed that he gave Leno a firm handshake when he came out, made a reference to a bit from earlier in the program to showcase his familiarity with the show, and even made Leno laugh out loud a number of times. "Mr. Leno seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say, and at the end of the interview, he asked me to stick around." Danson added, "I think they'll have me back."

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