adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Teemu Selanne Practices Kissing Stanley Cup On Hand

ANAHEIM—Ducks forward and team scoring leader Teemu Selanne, who has not won a championship in his 16 NHL seasons, has been using his hand to practice kissing the Stanley Cup since his team won the first game of the Finals, sources close to the team report. "He began by hoisting a pretend Stanley Cup over his head, which was pretty normal," said Anaheim goalie Jean-Sebastien Giguere, who accidentally stumbled onto Selanne's tentative locker-room practice sessions Tuesday night when he returned to retrieve his forgotten car keys. "Then he sort of formed his hand into a Stanley Cup-like shape, closed his eyes, and sort of brushed his lips on it gingerly. It was rather awkward." Giguere said his offer to loan Selanne his homemade aluminum-foil kissing-practice cup was rebuffed by Selanne as "just sad."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close