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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Teen Choice Awards Honor Cory Monteith With Posthumous Surfboard

LOS ANGELES—To celebrate his contributions to television and remember the tragic circumstances that surrounded his death, the Teen Choice Awards posthumously honored Cory Monteith Sunday by giving him a surfboard. “We could think of no more fitting tribute to Cory than a colorful surfboard covered in palm tree decals,” said Teen Choice Awards director Michael Dempsey, adding that he hopes the Monteith family appreciates the surfboard. “The greatest tragedy is that Cory didn’t live to earn more surfboards.” Other surfboard winners from last night include the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus, and Twitter.

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