Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family

Top Headlines



College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.

Winning Argument With Aging Parents Less Satisfying Than It Once Was

CINCINNATI—After firmly telling them that she was okay paying city prices and that she would not move back to her hometown just because it was cheaper, local woman Ellen Wallace, 40, confirmed Thursday that winning an argument with her parents has become much less satisfying as they have gotten older.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

Good News Kept From Parents Out Of Fear Of Proving Them Right

DANBURY, CT—Saying she wants no part of the conversation that would inevitably result if she broke the good news, local medical billing technician Jenny Comers reported Friday that she’s keeping word of her recent pay raise from her parents out of fear of proving them right.

North American Children Begin Summer Migration To Dad’s

NEW YORK—With the increasingly warm weather signaling the commencement of their age-old journey, millions of children across the North American continent began their annual summer migration to their fathers’ homes this week, sources confirmed.

Parents Worried Children Old Enough To Remember Family Vacation

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Fearing that their kids’ impressions of the experience could quite possibly remain with them for the rest of their lives, parents Joel and Bethany Weyandt told reporters Tuesday they are worried their children are old enough to remember the details of their recent family vacation.

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Kids Love When Mom Sad Enough To Just Order Pizza

FORT WORTH, TX—Saying they get their hopes up anytime they notice her looking particularly downhearted, siblings Paulo and Marisa Hernandez told reporters Wednesday they love it when their mother is sad enough to just order pizza.

Being Older Than Daughter Babysitter’s Only Qualification

UTICA, NY—Possessing no particular proficiencies or training whatsoever, local 12-year-old Jessica Radloff was reportedly hired to babysit Hayley Carden, 7, this week based solely on her qualification of being older than the child she was asked to watch.

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources confirmed.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Siblings Quietly Relieved Oldest Brother Setting Bar So Low

CHARLOTTE, NC—Explaining how the 25-year-old’s personal and academic shortcomings had made their relationship with their parents far easier, siblings Eric and Theresa Conrad confided to reporters Friday that they were quietly relieved their ol...

Kids Teary-Eyed After Helping Dad Move Into First Apartment

BOWLING GREEN, OH—With their father marking the start of an important new phase in his life, the children of local man Barry Hunt told reporters they got a bit teary-eyed after helping the 49-year-old move into his first apartment Thursday. Teenager...

First Holiday Season Without Grandma Incredible

MARBLEHEAD, MA—Expressing appreciation for the more relaxed and cheerful atmosphere, members of the Shaw family confirmed Thursday that the first holiday season without grandmother Ethel Shaw had been absolutely incredible.

Area Mom Raving About Phoenix Airport

AURORA, IL—Noting its impressive collection of shops, restaurants, and transit options during a phone call with her daughter, local mother Carol Wingfield expressed her admiration for Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport in the strongest terms, ...

Hands-Off Mom Lets Kids Create Own Psychological Issues

BOLTON, VT—Saying it’s important for parents to avoid simply passing their own neuroses on to their children, area mother Tricia Eakins told reporters Monday she believes in taking a hands-off approach and letting her kids develop their own ps...

Family Fears Grandmother Aware Of Her Surroundings

BEDFORD, NH—Acknowledging a look in her eyes that sometimes makes them think she may actually be registering things, the family of local grandmother Janice Humphries expressed anxiety Tuesday that the 93-year-old nursing home resident might be aware...

Self-Centered Child Blames Divorce Entirely On Himself

LINCOLN, NE—Claiming that the third-grader refuses to acknowledge anyone else’s involvement in the situation, sources confirmed Monday that egocentric 8-year-old Dylan Fielder blames the divorce of his parents entirely on himself.

Tips For A Healthy Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a challenging time for any expectant mother, but eating well, getting prenatal care, and being active are all ways that women can stay healthy and feel great.

Back-To-School Preparation Tips For Parents

With millions of children heading back to school next week, parents across the country are stocking up on supplies, getting in touch with teachers, and setting expectations to help their kids succeed.

Top Parenting Trends Of 2014

Between questions of breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccinations, and must-have accessories, moms and dads are confronted with a wealth of options when it comes to raising their children.

Grandmother Talking Big Game About Being Alive Next Year

HAMILTON, OH—Noting that she had made a lot of bold proclamations in recent months regarding upcoming birthdays and future vacations, family members of local grandmother Abigail Stapleton told reporters Wednesday that the 88-year-old is talking some...

The Pros And Cons Of Waiting To Have Children

According to the CDC, more women than ever are waiting to have children until they are 35 or older, when they have completed their educations and are more financially stable, though doctors warn that having children later in life can lead to health com...

Man Brings Son Into Office To See Where Dad Emasculated

ROGERS, MN—Smiling and offering commentary throughout the visit, local employee Jason Aldrich reportedly brought his 7-year-old son to his office Tuesday, giving the young boy a chance to see where his dad is humiliated and stripped of his manhood o...

Homosexuality Only Thing Parents Can Accept About Son

GRAND FORKS, ND—Expressing their deep disappointment with his behavior and lifestyle, local parents Jeff and Susan Lindegaard told reporters Tuesday that they are simply unable to accept anything about their 24-year-old son Henry aside from his homo...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Real Estate

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.



Teen Exposed To Violence, Profanity, Adult Situations By Family

BROWNSVILLE, TX–According to the conservative watchdog group Family Research Council, the home of 15-year-old Beth Arnott contains violence, profanity, adult situations, and other material "wholly unsuitable" for those 16 and under.

"That house is filled with inappropriate material that sets a poor example for the impressionable youths living there," said Family Research Council president Kenneth Connor, citing 44 instances of domestic violence, adult language, nudity, and graphic sexual content in the Brownsville home in the past month alone. "This is hardly the sort of family we should be exposing our nation's children to."

Connor noted that Beth's stepfather, 43-year-old Randy Skowron, frequently walks around the house in an open bathrobe, inadvertently exposing his genitalia to Beth. He also cited numerous incidents of Skowron hitting Beth's brother Ronnie with an open hand for being "all mouthy and disrespectful." Beth herself was subjected to a similar act of violence when she was caught shoplifting a Victoria's Secret bra at Valle Vista Mall.

Other inappropriate material to which Beth has been exposed includes frequent use of the term "skank-ass bitch," nightly binges of Mad Dog 20/20, and an incident in which she inadvertently stumbled across Skowron and her mother in coitus just minutes after the pair had been throwing kitchen appliances at each other.

"The family is the most important factor when it comes to promoting family-friendly themes," Connor said. "The Arnotts may pay lip service to being a pro-family family, but their actions speak otherwise."

Author and critic Michael Medved, a leading proponent of stricter moral standards, agreed.

"These are graphic sexual themes which could take a girl, just coming into an understanding of her own sexuality, and twist her around until she doesn't know right from wrong," said Medved, co-author of Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children From The National Assault On Innocence. "I feel sorry for Beth, for her childhood has been lost and her innocence assaulted."

A parental-advisory sticker warns of a family not recommended for children 16 and under.

"We challenge the Arnotts to get serious about the vital role they play in shaping America's culture," said U.S. Rep. Steve Largent (R-OK), who has proposed legislation requiring warning labels on non-family-friendly families. "Look at the Petersons right next door. With their regular attendance at church, frequent family outings to Chuck E. Cheese's, and weekly Sunday-night Scrabble games, the Petersons are the sort of wholesome, socially redemptive family this country needs more of. Why must we put up with this vile Arnott filth when there are such wonderful alternatives literally right next door?"

Following Largent's lead, concerned Brownsville residents are calling for the placement of a parental-advisory sticker on the Arnotts' front door which warns that interaction with the family is not recommended for children 16 or younger. In addition, locals have petitioned Cat Marine Machine Tooling, Skowron's employer, to fire the man, threatening to withdraw their patronage if the shop continues to "endorse the deplorable actions in Beth's home by keeping Mr. Skowron on the payroll."

One neighbor, wishing to remain anonymous, said: "We don't want to censor anybody, but we have an obligation to the community and to our children. We can monitor our kids within our own home, but we can't protect them when they go out into the world every day and are exposed to sex, violence, and drug use by families like that."

For all the controversy her family has stirred, Beth remains nonplussed.

"It's not a big deal," said Beth, smoking a Kool cigarette stolen from her mother's purse. "Just because I see Mom giving Randy blow jobs and Ronnie huffing paint don't mean I'm gonna do that shit. I can think for myself."

Family Video