Teen Rebel Refusing To Purchase Yearbook

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Vol 47 Issue 14

Detroit Pistons JumboTron Not Even Trying Anymore

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Making flippant remarks about the game such as "BASKETBALL GAME HAPPENING NOW" and "WHO REALLY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THIS?" the Detroit Pistons' JumboTron has reportedly stopped trying to pretend to care abou...

Oh, God, Area Man Making His Move

BRIGHTON, NY—Patrons of the Full Moon Tavern are reporting that oh, God, area man Darrell Barnes is walking right up to that beautiful woman sitting by the window.

Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

CONCORD, NH—According to sources, the deteriorating 10-year-old marriage of Dale and Gina Byer will somehow be magically restored this weekend by a zip-lining excursion to the mountains of northern New Hampshire.

Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing

COLUMBUS, OH—Audience members at Crossroads Cinema were treated to an unexpected delight Friday when someone in the crowd shouted out a hilarious thing at the exact right moment, sources reported.
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Teen Rebel Refusing To Purchase Yearbook

WESTERVILLE, OH—Refusing to march in lockstep with the other drones at Westerville Junior High, 16-year-old rebel Chris Iconia announced Monday he would not be purchasing a copy of the school's 2011 yearbook. "Forget that—let all those other sheep sign each other's little books," said the modern-day James Dean, who bucked the system by wearing a T-shirt for class photos and using an ellipsis as his per≠sonal quote. "Like I'm really going to look back one day and wonder who ran JV track this year? Please, I've got better things to spend $65 on." After yearbooks were distributed, the radical teen who plays by his own rules spent two hours perusing a friend's copy before deciding it was lame.

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