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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Teen Rebel Refusing To Purchase Yearbook

WESTERVILLE, OH—Refusing to march in lockstep with the other drones at Westerville Junior High, 16-year-old rebel Chris Iconia announced Monday he would not be purchasing a copy of the school's 2011 yearbook. "Forget that—let all those other sheep sign each other's little books," said the modern-day James Dean, who bucked the system by wearing a T-shirt for class photos and using an ellipsis as his per≠sonal quote. "Like I'm really going to look back one day and wonder who ran JV track this year? Please, I've got better things to spend $65 on." After yearbooks were distributed, the radical teen who plays by his own rules spent two hours perusing a friend's copy before deciding it was lame.

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