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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Temple University Receives Anonymous Donation To Build Center For Discrediting Rape Allegations

PHILADELPHIA—Stipulating that the funds be used for “furthering the invalidation of sexual assault claims wherever they occur,” an anonymous donation received Thursday by Temple University is reportedly intended to be used to build a center for discrediting rape allegations. “The donor, who has chosen to withhold his identity, requested that his $30 million endowment go toward a facility dedicated to undermining accusations of sexual abuse,” said alumni relations representative Cheryl Walker, adding that an unsigned letter accompanying the sizable contribution specified that the center act as a campuswide resource for damaging the reputation of rape victims, as well as a hub for research into methods of sowing doubt about sexual misconduct charges. “This benefactor, who is clearly a very wealthy individual, made plain through his legal intermediary that all students, faculty, and alumni have access to the center, and that especially promising work into tearing apart rape allegations until the accuser herself becomes an object of ridicule—even if such discrediting occurs decades after the fact—could receive additional funding.” Walker added that while $30 million was a significant amount of money, Temple had chosen to decline the funding and hoped it would not hear from the anonymous donor again.

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