adBlockCheck

Tennessee Legislature Divided Over Ford-Chevy Issue

Top Headlines

Politics

What Is The Alt-Right?

A recent speech by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticizing the “alt-right” movement and its support of Republican nominee Donald Trump has shone the national spotlight on the ideologically conservative group. Here’s what you need to know about the alt-right

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know

How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing

‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

NEW YORK—Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow.

Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative

NEW YORK—Saying they weren’t afraid to take the gloves off for the general election if need be, the campaign team for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly considered the possibility Monday of pivoting their strategy and going negative.

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Tennessee Legislature Divided Over Ford-Chevy Issue

NASHVILLE, TN—The Tennessee state legislature will hold a historic, first-ever Sunday session this week to break a three-week Ford-Chevy deadlock, The Tennesseean reported Friday.

In a statement that enraged many of his fellow Tennessee lawmakers, State Rep. Cordell Pritchett (R-Chattanooga) said he would rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy.

"This is a vital issue, not only for legislators but for the good people of Tennessee," said Governor Don Sundquist in an address to the legislature Thursday. "Our constituents care deeply about what brand of truck they drive to work in, rack their guns in, and order their wives back into. But we can no longer carry on as a state divided."

The congressional dispute began Sept. 8, following a bipartisan review of the NASCAR Exide Battery 400 on a television screen in the State Assembly chambers. Upon driver Dale Jarrett's victory in a Ford Thunderbird, Rep. Cordell Pritchett (R-Chattanooga) announced to his fellow legislators that he would rather push a Ford than drive a Chevy.

The remark sparked outrage among many of Pritchett's colleagues. "As the elected representative of the good people of the 23rd district, I could not in good faith allow such a blasphemous statement to be made," Rep. Lawton "Easy" McCallum (D-Laverne) said. "The citizens of my district have instructed me to inform Mr. Pritchett that 'Ford' stands for 'Found On Road Dead.' While the good people of the 23rd may well be right, I myself have always maintained that it means 'Fix Or Repair Daily.'"

Among the major sticking points in the Ford-Chevy debate: whether being Ford-tough is preferable to being like a rock; who gets the Chevy and who gets the Ford in a Tennessee divorce; and whether or not "Chevrolet" is a real American name.

"I resent my esteemed colleagues' insinuations that on a quiet Tennessee night, one can hear Fords rusting," Rep. Bud Kendall (R-Memphis) said Friday near the end of a marathon four-day pro-Ford filibuster. "In response, I intend to begin wearing T-shirts which portray Calvin of the Calvin And Hobbes comic strip urinating upon the Chevy 'bow-tie' logo." Kendall would not comment upon rumors that he will apply a decal of the same design to the rear window of his 1989 Ford F-150.

According to Sundquist, the debate embodies "the deepest, most dearly held beliefs" of the state. "Tennesseeans are passionate about this issue," the governor said. "On the one side, you have those who claim a Ford is a slow, rusty muthinlaw car they wouldn't have as a dog house, and on the other you have those who say that, in effect, their wife yes, their dog maybe, but their Ford, never. I mean, a statement like that implies they're literally willing to give up their marriage over this issue. That shows a very serious level of commitment."

Sundquist, who has long remained neutral on the volatile issue, is reportedly retaining two separate pickups—one a Ford and the other a Chevy—alternating equally between them for use in hauling around his dogs and hunting equipment.

The current car-and-truck brand-loyalty schism is the state's most severe legislative bottleneck since the Remington-Winchester shotgun debates of the '50s. It is also widely believed to be its worst automotive divide since the infamous Camaro-Mustang feuds of the early '70s.

"Back in the old Camaro-Mustang days, things could get pretty nasty on the Senate floor," said Sen. Hank Rawlings (D-Smyrna), a member of the Tennessee legislature since 1973. "But there was one difference: In those days, the governor could instantly bring the legislature to consensus by calling for a vote on the 'shitbox' status of the then-new Japanese compacts. Those votes would always be unanimous."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close