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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Terminally Ill Friend Not Much Fun Anymore

EAST BRUNSWICK, NJ–Edward DuBrow, diagnosed with terminal leukemia on July 11, is not much fun to hang around with anymore, friends of the East Brunswick 24-year-old said Monday. "Eddie used to be such a wild man," friend Rich Hough said. "We'd go out to bars, and he'd always be the loudest, drunkest, funniest guy in the whole place. Now, he just lies around and talks about medicine and stuff. It's kind of a downer." Liz Appice, DuBrow's longtime girlfriend, has severed all ties to him, saying that "the magic just isn't there anymore."

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