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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Terrance Knighton

Defensive Tackle, Denver Broncos

Strengths: No longer a Jacksonville Jaguar; Helmet is natural outgrowth of head; Weight allows him to easily plug all holes and arteries

Weakness: Very embarrassed when he doesn’t fit into backfield

Favorite Cut Of Football: Rump

Celebrity Look-Alike: Grimace

Sack Celebration: Flashes thumbs-up sign, shouts “all right!”

40-Yard Dash: Just under 4.3 days

Weight: 1.69 Matt Praters

NEXT: Pete Carroll

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