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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Terrance Knighton

Defensive Tackle, Denver Broncos

Strengths: No longer a Jacksonville Jaguar; Helmet is natural outgrowth of head; Weight allows him to easily plug all holes and arteries

Weakness: Very embarrassed when he doesn’t fit into backfield

Favorite Cut Of Football: Rump

Celebrity Look-Alike: Grimace

Sack Celebration: Flashes thumbs-up sign, shouts “all right!”

40-Yard Dash: Just under 4.3 days

Weight: 1.69 Matt Praters

NEXT: Pete Carroll

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