The Onion News Network investigates the dangerous tradition of Fall Break parties where college students chug maple syrup and strip down to their long underwear.
DALLAS—Shortly after signing a three-year, $25 million contract with the Cowboys, controversial wideout Terrell Owens said he was looking forward to spending a nice, relaxing summer in Dallas. "Dallas seems like a nice town, but I certainly don't want to settle down here. I should be able to see and do everything I want to within a few months—get some exercise, hang out at camp, and make a few friends I can keep in touch with as my travels take me elsewhere," Owens said in a press conference Monday. "I might even stay into the fall, but I hear that things get a little hectic and the people get really intense that time of year, so I definitely want to get away before Thanksgiving. There's nothing I like more than spending the holiday season at home." Those close to Owens say it's unlikely that he will take full advantage of his short time in Dallas, however, noting that he "spent two whole years in Philadelphia and barely left his hotel room."