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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Terrible Artist Thinks Latest Piece Really Represents A Culmination Of Everything He’s Been Working Toward All His Life

BURLINGTON, VT—Citing a lifetime of deep commitment to the creative process, profoundly untalented painter Todd Reese told reporters Saturday that his newest mixed-media piece is the inevitable culmination of a decades-long period of artistic growth. “In Hand Of God #8, you can definitely see the evolution of my entire body of work over the years in terms of both technique and theme—or mode and motif, if you will,” said the remarkably hackneyed Reese, 56, who reportedly funneled his “entire philosophy of art, as both a craft and a commentary” into the garishly colored, not particularly original, and ultimately forgettable oil painitng. “People who want to know what my whole life has been about really only need to look at this.” Reese concluded his assessment by stating that, given his breakthrough on this work, he may finally be ready to embark upon a long-planned video art project for which he has absolutely no qualifications or training.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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