adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

Terrible Idea Committed To Paper

SECAUCUS, NJ—Sales supervisor Justin Henry stopped in the middle of a busy sidewalk Monday, obstructing the paths of 15 pedestrians as he frantically searched his messenger bag for a pen, all so he could immortalize a tragically asinine notion on a scrap of paper. According to witnesses, the 29-year-old repeated the pointless idea to himself over and over while looking for the writing utensil, in order to insure the conservation of his precious concept. "This is why I always carry my little notebook," said Henry, who underlined, starred, and later e-mailed the thought to himself, apparently believing that a cognizant human being on earth might one day want to hear it. "This is good." The moronic bullshit idea had to do with efficient management techniques in the workplace.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close