adBlockCheck

Terrible Sports Editor Wants To Lead With Beckham, AC Milan Story

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Terrible Sports Editor Wants To Lead With Beckham, AC Milan Story

PHOENIX—Lousy Arizona Ledger weekly sports section editor Gene Crewdson "went with his [idiotic] gut" once again Thursday, deciding to ignore what may be the biggest steroid scandal yet and lead with David Beckham's decision to leave the U.S. and play for AC Milan. "'Beckham Bends It Back Overseas' is our story, boys," Crewdson said to his staff of writers, all of whom stared back at him, mouths agape, for nearly a minute. "Big-name celebrity doing controversial big-time things with a big color picture on the cover. Soccer's the sport of the future. This is obviously what we run with." When gently reminded of recent baseball news, Crewdson responded that nobody cares about steroids anymore, it's not baseball season, and in this economy you do not want to risk missing the big story.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close