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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Terrier Bravely Defends Family From Squeak

VANDERBILT, PA—Jasper, a 3-year-old short-legged terrier, gallantly defended the Henry household from a brief, high-pitched squeak Sunday night. According to safe and sound sources, the 18-pound canine launched from the living room couch upon hearing the peep and darted through the house multiple times in an effort to drive away the intruding sound. During his sweep of the premises, Jasper barked continuously and made brief stops in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom, and the kitchen again, bravely putting himself between his family and the millisecond-long chirp. "Easy, boy," Tom Henry, 42, said. "Easy." As of press time, Jasper is standing at the ready in preparation for the squeak's return.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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