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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Terrified Johnny Depp Unable To Remove Tonto Makeup

NASHVILLE, TN—Following the release of Disney’s The Lone Ranger, actor Johnny Depp told reporters that the makeup he wore for his co-starring role in the film as Tonto still will not come off. “I’m telling you, I’ve washed my face 40 or 50 times and I keep scraping at it with my fingers, but it does nothing,” a panicking Depp explained, adding that he’s afraid the paint may have somehow seeped into his skin. “Christ, what if it never comes off? What if this is what I look like now? Please help me, I’m begging you.” Depp added that though Tonto’s stuffed-crow headdress also seemed to be inextricably fused to his head, he was happy to continue wearing it for a while.

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