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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Terrified 'Newsroom' Writers Nodding Heads At Every Bad Idea Aaron Sorkin Says

LOS ANGELES—Though they harbored serious reservations about his proposed ideas and considered nearly all of them to be formulaic rehashes of story elements and dialogue he’s used in his previous work, staff writers for the HBO original series The Newsroom nevertheless nodded in agreement at every horrible suggestion Aaron Sorkin made during brainstorming sessions this week, the team of terrified writers reported. “Good idea,” said the staffers who were scared to death of disagreeing with Sorkin, even though they all reportedly felt that his thoughts on season two were lame, idealistic to a nauseating extent, and basically just a way for Sorkin to use his characters to bark his clichéd platitudes at television viewers. “That’s a smart direction. I hadn’t even thought of that.” Before silently going back to work, sources confirmed that every writer in the room was privately thinking that if they only had the balls to stand up to Sorkin and fight for the fresh ideas and storytelling techniques they brought to the table they could make the show immeasurably better.

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