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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Terrifying Man Selling Dead Trees Out Of Middle School Parking Lot

FAIRFAX, MN—Clutching a jagged hacksaw while staring unblinkingly from his black ski mask, a terrifying figure has reportedly been selling dead trees to passersby in the Fairfax Middle School parking lot for two weeks, sources confirmed Monday. “Looking for a tree?” the hulking brute of a man said while pacing behind local residents as they traversed row upon row of evergreen cadavers, occasionally stopping to prop up a frozen tree’s corpse to allow visitors to gape at its lifeless form. “Like this one? Let me just cut off the bottom of its trunk for you real quick.” Sources confirmed that the fearsome beast then dragged the dead body of a pine tree to a nearby car, grunted audibly as he bound it tightly to the automobile’s roof with a length of twine, and then tried to sell onlookers a grisly, horrifying ring made from the severed, intertwined limbs of several gruesomely butchered firs.

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