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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Terrifying Mutation Killing Off U.S. Cabinet Members One At A Time

WASHINGTON, DC–The slime-covered body of Commerce Secretary William Daley was found in a cocoon in the White House Monday, bringing the number of Cabinet members killed by the terrifying space mutation to five. "We're doing everything we can to stop this creature," said Transportation Secretary Rodney Slater, hiding somewhere in the White House with the other surviving Cabinet officials. "Unfortunately, you can't kill what you can't see." Added Slater: "What? Where's Alexis? I just saw her two seconds ago! Lord help us all." It is believed the secretaries will attempt to lure the shapeshifting mutation into the East Room and blast it through the airlock.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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