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Terrorism Fan Site Full Of Spoilers

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.
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Terrorism Fan Site Full Of Spoilers

AMMAN, JORDAN—The terrorism fan website AintItCruelNews.com has come under fire for publishing "spoilers" that give away future terrorist acts. "We all know what happens to the Great Satan in the end, but that doesn't mean major plot points should be revealed," said one reader who posted a complaint to the site's bulletin board. "Revealing how the villain George Bush will be eliminated ruins it for everyone." Ain't It Cruel News founder Hari al-Nolz said he will implement a color-coded "Spoiler Alert" system to prevent such leaks in the future.

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