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Terry Francona Sends Eric Gagne Down To Made-Up Triple-A Team

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Terry Francona Sends Eric Gagne Down To Made-Up Triple-A Team

CLEVELAND—Following Eric Gagne's 11th inning meltdown in Game 2 of the ALCS, Red Sox manager Terry Francona informed the reliever that he was being temporarily demoted to the "Appleton Red Wolves," a completely fabricated Triple-A team that, unbeknownst to Gagne, Francona made up right on the spot. "I don't agree with the move, but if Terry thinks I need some time to work on my mechanics, then it's my job to report to Appleton, a town which Terry told me is somewhere in central Minnesota and where he assured me all the buses go if you just get on one and ride for a couple days," said Gagne, who in reality cannot be removed from the ALCS roster unless of injury. "According to Terry, it's a great little town, and their fans—the Wolf Pack, as they're apparently known—are really eager to see me pitch. And on the plus side, Terry said that if the Sox make it past the ALCS, they'll wait for me to come back before starting the World Series. So hey, win-win." At press time, Gagne is standing alone on the mound of an overgrown Little League field in St. Paul.

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