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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Terry Jones - Could Have At Least Manned Up And Burned One Koran

Pastor

With the gaze of the whole world fixed on his small Gainesville, FL–based Dove World Outreach Center this Sept. 11, Pastor Terry Jones shocked an anxious media by calling off his threat to burn 200 copies of the Koran, which is bullshit, really, because the guy should have at least had the balls to torch one measly copy. Right? If Jones, or anyone, wants to get a few hundred million people all riled up on the anniversary of a major national tragedy by saying he's going to burn a Koran, he'd better step up to the goddamn plate and burn a fucking Koran. Just to show the world he's not wasting everybody's time, if for no other reason. At least hold a match up to it and make a few hand motions like you're gonna do it, you know? Jesus Christ, something! Instead, Terry Jones totally wimped out in front of dozens of international news crews who were all just sitting there waiting patiently to catch one holy book going up in flames. Just one! But nope. He couldn't do it. In the end, 2010's biggest coward simply didn't have the stones to go through with it. Pussy.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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