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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Texas A&M Fans Celebrate 1999 Alamo Bowl Victory Over Penn State

COLLEGE STATION, TX—Following the NCAA’s decision Monday to vacate all of Penn State’s wins from 1998 through 2011, thousands of Texas A&M students and fans poured onto campus in a frenzy of excitement to celebrate what has now been ruled as a victory for their team in the 1999 Alamo Bowl. “First thing we had to do was track down Coach [R.C.] Slocum—we found him at home mowing his lawn and immediately dumped Gatorade on him,” said 32-year-old former Aggie fullback Ja’Mar Toombs, standing in a streamer-strewn street below a banner reading “Congratulations, 1999 Alamo Bowl Champs.” “You spend your whole life dreaming about NCAA rulings like this, and when one finally comes, you almost can’t believe it. I’m just so happy to share it with those of my teammates who are still around.” When reporters asked about the appropriateness of celebrating a game that took place during a trip on which Jerry Sandusky allegedly molested a young boy he brought with him to Texas, their questions were inevitably drowned out by triumphant chants of “A and M!”

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