WASHINGTON—Taking slow, labored breaths while clutching his distended abdomen, a bloated President Obama delivered a press conference Wednesday while seated on a couch several feet behind the podium in the White House briefing room.
AUSTIN,TXIn a controversial move to approve a controversial move, the Texas State Senate voted 18-13 Monday to reverse a ban on the Turnbuckle Vertebreaker for use in professional and amateur wrestling. "Although it's indeed a devastating move, it is not fair to allow a 'juiced' Dirty Clothesline and the Rammer Jammer Elbow Hammer with no suitable answering maneuver," said Gov. Rick Perry after signing the Vertebreaker into law Monday. "I believe that this alternative is preferable to folding chairs, barbwire crowbars, or tagging [WWE wrestler] Kane into the ring for assistance." Without warning, Perry then executed a full Vertebreaker on journalist Molly Ivins, who was covering the event for The New York Times.