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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Texting-While-Fielding Causes Record Number Of Outfield Collisions

NEW YORK—According to a new report released Saturday by Major League Baseball, a record number of outfield collisions have occurred during the 2012 season due to the rising trend of texting-while-fielding. “Unfortunately, we’ve seen over 600 incidents this year alone, which is roughly triple the number of recorded fielding crashes in 2009,” said the league’s Vice President of Baseball Operations, Joe Torre, revealing that approximately 70 percent of the outfielders in a recent survey admitted to sending texts or emails while trying to catch a pop fly within the last six months. “Texting-while-fielding is incredibly dangerous not only to yourself, but also your teammates. We know it might seem like an important message at the time, but it's just not worth the risk when you're chasing a line drive or sprinting for a hard grounder.” At press time, Cleveland Indians outfielder Michael Brantley was being rushed to the hospital after slamming into Ezequiel Carrera while texting “I got it” to teammates.

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