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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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T.G.I. Friday’s Bankrupt After Spending Billions On Priceless Americana

CARROLLTON, TX—After years of spending billions on rare and highly expensive artifacts of American culture to display on its walls, the T.G.I. Friday’s restaurant chain announced Wednesday that it had declared bankruptcy. “We have always believed that authentic, priceless treasures of Americana were necessary to create the Friday’s dining experience, but in retrospect buying game-used, Babe Ruth–autographed baseball bats to display in each of our 900 locations was probably a mistake,” said company president Ricky Richardson, who confirmed the casual dining establishment had laid off more than half its staff, beginning with the thousands of full-time curators it employed to maintain its massive collection of memorabilia. “Showroom-condition 1957 Chevys are expensive enough to begin with, and by the time you pay to saw them in half and have them mounted on the wall in every restaurant, it costs a fortune. I suppose part of the blame falls on me for signing off on the purchase of every trumpet Louis Armstrong played during his 50-year career, and for outbidding the Smithsonian Institution on those propellers from the original Air Force One.” Richardson went on to apologize to all Friday’s shareholders, offering them each a copy of Action Comics #1 for their trouble.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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