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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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T.G.I. Friday's Executive Chef Recommends Booze-On-Meat-With-Cheese Thing

SCHAUMBURG, IL—The executive chef of the Tremont Road T.G.I. Friday's strongly recommended that a table of VIP guests try the evening's special: a "tender, juicy, and heavily seasoned" booze-on-meat-with-cheese thing. "Tonight's special is a succulent 8-ounce meat, infused with imported cheese and drizzled with a creamy reduction of booze," said chef Tom Pinelli, adding that the entrée is served on a bed of cheese and meat, and is best paired with a glass of booze. "However, if you're in the mood for something a little lighter, we do have a refreshing selection of sauce-on-fish-on-stick stuff, as well as some healthier cheese-filled-meat-under-bacon options." For vegetarian diners, Pinelli recommended the 56-ounce fried mushroom.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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