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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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T.G.I. Friday's Unveils New Jeff Daniels Barbecue Sauce

CARROLLTON, TX—Looking to infuse its menu with “a little kick,” T.G.I. Friday’s this week introduced its new Jeff Daniels Barbecue Sauce, a “smoky-sweet glaze” that will serve as the cornerstone for a variety of new entrées inspired by the Golden Globe–nominated actor. “By partnering with Jeff Daniels, we’re bringing together our craveable dishes of steaks, ribs, and burgers with a name synonymous with hot and tangy flavors,” T.G.I. Friday’s vice president of marketing Marissa Langford said in a press release, adding that patrons can choose from a selection of sauces including Jeff Daniels Original, Jeff Daniels Mesquite Marinade, and Sweet Baby Jeff’s Vintage Smokehouse BBQ Sauce. “In celebration of our Jeffed-up new menu, we’re offering our Sizzlin’ Jeff Daniels Sirloin Steak—a 10-ounce fire-grilled Black Angus strip basted with Jeff Daniels Honey Chipotle Sauce and served with a side of crispy jalapeños—for only $10.99. Believe me: Our signature Friday’s recipes seasoned with pure Jeff Daniels is a combination your mouth won’t want to miss.” When reached for comment, Daniels replied that he is “looking forward to sharing [his] passion for barbecue sauce with T.G.I. Friday’s diners everywhere."

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