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That Guy From That One Show In Rehab

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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

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That Guy From That One Show In Rehab

GLENDALE, CA—According to nurses at the Rosewater Rehabilitation Clinic, that guy who used to play the fat guy on that one show was admitted Monday for treatment of alcohol abuse and depression. "He looked exactly like he did on that one show, except a bit older and fatter," nurse Christina Prenz told reporters. "I asked him to do that thing he always used to do, but he just stared at me. Then he started crying." Prenz added that, during their group therapy session, she plans to ask him why the show was cancelled.

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