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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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That Guy From That One Show To Make Guest Appearance On That Other Show

DECATUR, GA—According to a report from local Chik-Fil-A cashier Len Baxter, that dude on that one show about the guy who can see into the future is going to be on that other show with the two chicks who are undercover cops. "Supposedly, he's playing the blonde one's cousin or something," Baxter told co-workers Monday at the fast-food restaurant, "so he's not the same guy he plays on his show. It's not, like, a combination of the two shows." The highly anticipated episode airs this Friday, though Baxter conceded that he may watch the one about the reporter and the rollerblading dog instead.

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