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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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That Guy From That One Show To Make Guest Appearance On That Other Show

DECATUR, GA—According to a report from local Chik-Fil-A cashier Len Baxter, that dude on that one show about the guy who can see into the future is going to be on that other show with the two chicks who are undercover cops. "Supposedly, he's playing the blonde one's cousin or something," Baxter told co-workers Monday at the fast-food restaurant, "so he's not the same guy he plays on his show. It's not, like, a combination of the two shows." The highly anticipated episode airs this Friday, though Baxter conceded that he may watch the one about the reporter and the rollerblading dog instead.

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