adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

'That Seems About Right,' Says Soon-To-Be-Audited Man

CAMDEN, MN—While filling out a 1040 form and other documents Tuesday in preparation for filing his 2012 federal tax returns, local man Robert Moran, a blog writer who will shortly be audited by the Internal Revenue Service, announced that his calculations seem to all add up fine. “Well, I’m self-employed and work mostly from the kitchen, which takes up about a third of my apartment, so that means I can deduct about $6,000 for rent plus all the repairs to the sink and refrigerator, and, yeah, that seems more or less right,” reported the man who will soon be audited by the IRS on suspicion of tax fraud and found to owe the federal government over $14,000 in unpaid taxes in addition to interest and a 20 percent penalty for disallowed deductions. “Plus I had to buy a TV and a DVD player to watch all the shows I blog about, which is another $1,500, and an iPhone that runs about $60 per month. Good thing you’re allowed to write off these business expenses.” At press time, Moran was telling himself that the IRS doesn’t look closely at people like him.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close