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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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That's Fine, Area Girlfriend To See 'Anna Karenina' When Visiting Mom Over Christmas

PHILADELPHIA—Having been talked by her boyfriend into seeing Skyfall instead, a movie he insisted they would both enjoy, local girlfriend Chelsea Condos, 27, confirmed Saturday that it’s fine, she’ll just go to Anna Karenina with her mother when she visits her parents over Christmas. “No, no, it’s fine—I can just see it with my mom,” Condos said to the boyfriend, who also resisted her suggestion of viewing Life Of Pi on claims that he had not read any reviews of it yet. “It’ll be more fun watching it with my mom, anyway. We can just see the James Bond thing tonight.” At press time, Condos was unaware that her vocal anticipation of the upcoming release of Les Misérables would ultimately culminate in the couple going to see Django Unchained.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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