adBlockCheck

Local

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
End Of Section
  • More News

That's Fine, Area Girlfriend To See 'Anna Karenina' When Visiting Mom Over Christmas

PHILADELPHIA—Having been talked by her boyfriend into seeing Skyfall instead, a movie he insisted they would both enjoy, local girlfriend Chelsea Condos, 27, confirmed Saturday that it’s fine, she’ll just go to Anna Karenina with her mother when she visits her parents over Christmas. “No, no, it’s fine—I can just see it with my mom,” Condos said to the boyfriend, who also resisted her suggestion of viewing Life Of Pi on claims that he had not read any reviews of it yet. “It’ll be more fun watching it with my mom, anyway. We can just see the James Bond thing tonight.” At press time, Condos was unaware that her vocal anticipation of the upcoming release of Les Misérables would ultimately culminate in the couple going to see Django Unchained.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close