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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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The Chevy Chase Show Enters Sixth Blockbuster Season In Alternate Universe

LOS ANGELES–The Chevy Chase Show is steamrolling into its sixth blockbuster season in an alternate universe, it was reported Tuesday.

Chevy Chase chats with Goldie Hawn during a recent epsode of his wildly popular alternate-universe talk show.

According to sources, the late-night talk show, which ran for five disastrous weeks in the fall of 1993 in this universe, earned critical acclaim and a small but devoted cult following during its first season in the alternate realm. The program then steadily grew more popular through word of mouth, becoming the highest-rated talk show on TV by its third season, when Chase was proclaimed "The King Of Late Night" in a Time magazine cover story.

The Chevy Chase Show will celebrate its five years on the air–during which it has won 11 Emmys and two Peabodys–with a star-studded two-hour prime-time special on Fox this Friday at 9 p.m. EST, immediately following The Wilton North Report.

The prime-time special will feature highlights from the past five seasons, from the historic first episode featuring Oscar-winning box-office queen Goldie Hawn to President Clinton's surprise walk-on appearance last year. Clips from the show's wildly popular recurring comedy segments, including "Ask Dr. Chase" and "Chevy Tries On Funny Hats," will also be featured, as will a montage of Chase's serenades to guests on his desk-mounted keyboard.

The show's sixth season kicks off Sept. 7, with a redesigned set featuring a larger fishtank, more sound-effect buttons on Chase's desk, and a supercharged horn section for the show's band, The Hollywood Express.

Chase will still do his popular "News Update" at the show's midpoint, 11:30 p.m. EST, the time at which The Tonight Show With Jay Leno and Late Show With David Letterman used to start before their alternate-universe cancellations in 1993.

"Our strategy of having Chevy do the news just as Dave and Jay were coming on the air worked to perfection," Chevy Chase Show executive producer Marty Sachs said. "Nobody wanted to change channels, and, within a matter of weeks, The Tonight Show and Late Show were history."

For all the success, The Chevy Chase Show was nearly derailed earlier this month when Tom Scott, Chase's bandleader and second banana, held out for $2.5 million for the 1998-99 season. That salary dispute, as well as one with head writer Michael O'Donoghue, was resolved last week.

In a press conference held at the Chevy Chase Theater, one of alternate-universe Los Angeles' hottest tourist landmarks, a smiling Chase told reporters: "I want to thank the critics and the American viewing public for their extraordinary support of The Chevy Chase Show. But, as wonderful as all that has been, what I'm most happy about is just having the opportunity to work with this incredible creative team. I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Chase then stared blankly into the television cameras while sweating and twitching nervously, the gesture that has become his much-loved trademark over the past five years.

"Chevy is a god," said Peter Scolari, comic actor and alternate-universe star of Forrest Gump, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan. "He's everything I aspire to be in this business."

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