The CrossWord: Juniper Has Troubled Past

In This Section

Vol 47 Issue 04

Final Week Of "Dumb In America" Looks At Future Of Idiots

In "Half-Wits Ascendant: Towards A Dumber Tomorrow," Host John Harris is embedded with The Brotherhood of the Talon, a group of anti-government revolutionaries deep in the Ozarks, where he uncovers a little-known fact: several of the nat...

"Dumb In America" Fourth Episode Shines Light On Dumb Blacks

Harris goes deep inside the dumb black experience to ask, "In a country where African-Americans make up an inordinate amount of the prison population, does being dumb really matter one way or the other? They're probably going to get you anyway, righ...

U-Say Response To Becker Decision

Was the Supreme Court's ruling against Tom Becker fair? Here's what U, the viewers, have to say: "That Becker guy is the worst. I'd rather have my ears bleed uncontrollably than listen to him drone on about the benefits of taekwondo again." --...

This Week's "Dumb In America" Looks At Dumb Men

In "The Dumb Man: Hardship & Hope At An Eighty-Six I.Q.," "Dumb In America" host John Harris examines what it means to be a dumb man in America today. Though stupid men find themselves increasingly accepted by society as a ...

U-Say Responses To The Military Chaperone Program

We received thousands of emails about the army’s new chaperone program for women in combat. Here's what U-Say about this issue: "I can't imagine sending these women into combat without a man there to make sure to catch them when they faint at a...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

The CrossWord: Juniper Has Troubled Past

All right, people, let's talk about this horse-marriage debacle. The conventional wisdom is that Congressman Ronald North is the bad guy, but like all conventional wisdom, it's DEAD WRONG. What no one except for ol' Shelby seems to be looking at here is the culpability of the horse. There are a lot of facts that indicate this mare Juniper lured North into this rendezvous.

First of all, Juniper prances around COMPLETELY NAKED nearly all the time. The most this trollop ever wears is a saddle and a few ribbons braided in her tail. Do a quick search for "Juniper" online and you'll see dozens of photos of Juniper running around her paddock nude, like a drunk sorority girl on spring break.

Secondly, this horse is a disgusting mess. Juniper has been seen urinating and defecating in public literally hundreds of times. You thought those Jersey Shore gals were bad. Once at a rodeo she went about her business in front of nearly a thousand people! Right there in the mud! This horse is TROUBLED, people. Does she debase herself this way because of some sick, psychologically-driven need to get attention? Or does this horse simply lack any comprehension of social norms?

Finally, there's a mountain of evidence that Juniper is into some real kinky stuff. Numerous websites online show her getting smacked with a riding crop, wearing blinders over her eyes, even having a bit put in her mouth. Now, in my line of work, I have been forced to encounter some very wild fetishes, but this horse is in a league of her own.

Add all this to the fact that Juniper has never held a job and only attended a two days of high school before getting kicked out for being a horse and you start to get a very clear picture of just how desperate and out-of-control Juniper is. Would a horse like this have wanted to use a wealthy, powerful man like North for everything he's worth? You bet your sweet patootie she would.

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More