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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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The Daily Bump: America Has Gorgalon Fever

It seems like you can't pick up a magazine this week without seeing Zorla Gorgalon and her 352 precious newborns. Why are celebrity-watchers so obsessed with Zorla? It seems there’s a lot of good reasons.

First off, Zorla seems to be a genuinely good mother whose primary concerns in life are simply to put a roof over her children's heads and feeding them the 40 pounds of raw squid and three liters of paint they each consume daily.

Also, unlike some previous multi-mommies, Zorla doesn't appear desperate for the spotlight. In fact, she can be described as downright reclusive, usually hissing at the paparazzi and emitting an extremely high-pitched tone which melts all nearby plastics whenever a cameraman gets too close.

Finally, many fans feel inspired by Zorla's personal story of strength. Not only is Zorla a single mother but she reports she is a recent immigrant to "this place."

No matter what happens next for Zorla, one thing is clear: America will be watching.

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