The Daily Bump: America Loves Zeljko!

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Vol 47 Issue 11

'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday.

Kelly and Epting's Apartment

Within walking distance of public transportation and situated in an up-and-coming area of town, Justin Kelly and Luke Epting's two-bedroom apartment contains a number of minor, albeit notable flaws.
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The Daily Bump: America Loves Zeljko!

As soon as OBC announced that "Former Warlord" star Zeljko Goran had successfully avoided being extradited to the Hague to stand trial for war crimes, the emails started flooding in. Here's just a sampling of the outpouring excitement over "Former Warlord: Season 2":

"Zeljko is seriously 10 times crazier than anyone else on TV. He actually killed 10,000 people." I mean, who does that sort of thing?"
--Joe R., Santa Cruz, CA

"Zeljko is the kind of reality TV star you just love to hate. The way he chops off the hands of anyone he doesn't like is so bitchy but also kinda awesome."
--Amanda R., Dallas, TX

"Some people complain Zeljko isn't a good role model but you know what he is? 100 percent real."
--Tim, St. Louis

"Did you see the one where Zeljko flipped out at his mistress in the hot tub and threatened to burn her eyes out with his cigar? What a train wreck. I couldn’t look away."
--Rhonda M., San Diego, CA

"Zeljko is totally insane! I mean he has actually has a psychological problem that makes him lack human empathy. Makes for great TV."
--Larry J., Granton, MO

"I'm sorry about that genocide, but I'm so glad that Zeljko isn't going to the Hague because me and my friends would have to cancel our weekly "White Wine & Former Warlord" party."
--Carla W., Austin, TX

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