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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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The Daily Bump: America Loves Zeljko!

As soon as OBC announced that "Former Warlord" star Zeljko Goran had successfully avoided being extradited to the Hague to stand trial for war crimes, the emails started flooding in. Here's just a sampling of the outpouring excitement over "Former Warlord: Season 2":

"Zeljko is seriously 10 times crazier than anyone else on TV. He actually killed 10,000 people." I mean, who does that sort of thing?"
--Joe R., Santa Cruz, CA

"Zeljko is the kind of reality TV star you just love to hate. The way he chops off the hands of anyone he doesn't like is so bitchy but also kinda awesome."
--Amanda R., Dallas, TX

"Some people complain Zeljko isn't a good role model but you know what he is? 100 percent real."
--Tim, St. Louis

"Did you see the one where Zeljko flipped out at his mistress in the hot tub and threatened to burn her eyes out with his cigar? What a train wreck. I couldn’t look away."
--Rhonda M., San Diego, CA

"Zeljko is totally insane! I mean he has actually has a psychological problem that makes him lack human empathy. Makes for great TV."
--Larry J., Granton, MO

"I'm sorry about that genocide, but I'm so glad that Zeljko isn't going to the Hague because me and my friends would have to cancel our weekly "White Wine & Former Warlord" party."
--Carla W., Austin, TX

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