The Daily Bump: The Heigl Film Deluge

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

What It Costs To Host The Olympic Games

Boston announced this week it will pull its bid for the 2024 Olympics, due in part to the huge costs associated with the games that could become a taxpayer burden. Here is a breakdown of what the Olympics cost their host cities

Resolute Congress Passes Second Amendment Again

WASHINGTON—Easily securing the requisite two-thirds majorities in the House and Senate, a resolute United States Congress responded to the ongoing national debate on gun rights Tuesday by passing the Second Amendment again.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Family

The Daily Bump: The Heigl Film Deluge

Following this week's freak release of 34 Heigl films, Sony executives were quick to remind the public that the widespread hospitalizations were a result of the sheer amount of Heigl to which the public was exposed. Had the movies been released one at a time, they say, the ill effects would’ve been no greater than the light nausea and confusion which sometimes accompanies with viewing a Heigl vehicle.

Explore The Katherine Heigl Deluge Slideshow

Take for example, the Christmas-themed "Holidaze," in which Heigl plays a career-driven news producer who's forced off her story about the war in Afghanistan to do a fluff piece about a local toymaker. Had this movie come out in December, when it was supposed to, it would've likely been called it a "sweet holiday treat" or a "forgettable but fun festive film." It's only because the film--in which a toymaker not only teaches Heigl how to loosen up and fall in love but also the meaning of Christmas--was released alongside 33 other Heigl films that it contributed to the mass psychosis and self-blindings.

The same goes for "Venus and Mars." If the film hadn't been noted as "the final straw" which pushed a Denver man to shoot himself in the head, it probably would’ve been lauded for its fun and surprising celebrity cameos, which included Heidi Montag, Joe Montana, Justin Bieber, Newt Gingrich, Michael Phelps, Stephen Hawking, and Gloria Steinem.

Other highlights in the Heigl catastrophe:

  • The scene in "So Random" where the dog humps the President of the United States' leg. I've been laughing about it for days!
  • While Heigl's Southern accent is less than believable in "Dish!," Monique is hilarious as her sassy black friend Credenza... even when she's just standing there shaking her head.
  • While the plot of "Peeping Polly" is a bit hard to follow, Heigl manages to look every bit as great in hip waders and a fishing hat as she does in an evening gown.
  • Sony has pledged to release the Heigl films to TBS just one at a time, so you’ll be able to check them out with no risk to your health.