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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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The Hard-Luck NHL's Stunning History Of Tragedy

The NHL suffered a major blow this week as the Chicago Blackhawks' team U-Haul crashed on the highway, spilling all its players onto the hard asphalt, killing six. Tragic though it is, the NHL is no stranger to sadness. Here are a few of the notable calamities to befall this struggling league:

  • 1898 - A league-wide outbreak of rubella is traced back to the Montreal Victorias decision to store the Stanley Cup in the moldering abandoned debtors prison they were squatting in at the time
  • 1926 - The Rangers and Bruins are simultaneously killed when a fire rips through the unventilated workspace where they are forced to sew their own uniforms
  • 1967 - Legend Gordie Howe trampled to death by a horse he was trying to kill and eat
  • 1982 - Though no cause of death was found, it is presumed that the five Islanders found dead in a Long Island outreach center just gave up
  • 1986 - Unable to pay for air conditioning, the seven Flyers and five Bruins drown once the ice melts
  • 1990 - Wayne Gretzky is stabbed in the side after trying to steal a crust of bread off the plate of a notorious biker gang leader
  • 2003 - The first year every single player in the NHL was officially diagnosed with syphilis
  • 2008 - 15 Canucks are shot and killed for trying to escape their mandatory enclosure
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