adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

The High Reis: Ben Roethlisberger Broke My Trust With Him

I was going to root for Ben Roethlisberger in the Super Bowl because in him I saw a man who I shared a common experience with, including being suspended for something that was never proven in a court of law. So I wanted the Steelers to win, and I thought I would meet him at Dallas and hang out with him for a while, but he did not return my calls.

This crushed me. I guess Ben thought that now he was trying to be like a Mickey Mouse guy who everyone likes. I tried to do the same thing once and my advice to him is it does not work. After my first suspension I tried to work at women’s shelters to show that I did not really mean what I said, which is not important to get into, but I was often booed and had garbage thrown at me when I tried to explain my side of the story and my ideas about political correctness run amok. I think that the same thing will happen to Ben Roethlisberger.

Instead he decided to ignore me even though I know a ton of good spots in Dallas that photographers don't know about where he could have gotten trashed and had a good time. So I am glad he lost, because you do not go against Reiser. When he threw that interception I was like "ha ha Reiser is the king."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close