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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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The High Reis: I Am Glad They Told Me The Show Is Moving To 8:00 This Time

Today they told me that SportsDome is going to be on at 8:00 PM from now on instead of 10:30 PM.  I was glad they told me.  In the past when they changed the time for the show they didn't always tell me in time.  The last time they moved me on SportsDome I showed up either seven hours early or seventeen hours late, or both.  I am thankful that they told me today because I have advanced warning, but not so much that I'll eventually forget.

8:00 is a better time for sports anyway than 10:30 is.  That's why I call it the Sports Time.  Whenever somebody asks me what time it is and it's 8:00, I say, "it's Sports Time."  Or I did that once, anyway.  But the person knew what I was talking about, which suggests to me that 8:00 really is the Sports Time.

The question most people have been asking me since they heard we are moving the show to 8:00 is if I tone down my trademark Reiser persona now that we are in primetime when most children are sitting in front of their televisions because of absentee parents.  I am confident it will be the same show, mostly because I never understand that what I've done is wrong until someone is reprimanding me for it.  The show will still be about sports and I will still be the king because Reiser Is The King, even at 8:00.

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