adBlockCheck

The High Reis: I Am Glad They Told Me The Show Is Moving To 8:00 This Time

Top Headlines

Sports

How The IOC Plans To Address Doping

In light of its recent decision not to bar Russian athletes from competing in Rio despite their use of performance-enhancing drugs, the International Olympic Committee is working to establish more effective protocols to keep the Games drug-free. Here are some ways the IOC plans to address doping:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The High Reis: I Am Glad They Told Me The Show Is Moving To 8:00 This Time

Today they told me that SportsDome is going to be on at 8:00 PM from now on instead of 10:30 PM.  I was glad they told me.  In the past when they changed the time for the show they didn't always tell me in time.  The last time they moved me on SportsDome I showed up either seven hours early or seventeen hours late, or both.  I am thankful that they told me today because I have advanced warning, but not so much that I'll eventually forget.

8:00 is a better time for sports anyway than 10:30 is.  That's why I call it the Sports Time.  Whenever somebody asks me what time it is and it's 8:00, I say, "it's Sports Time."  Or I did that once, anyway.  But the person knew what I was talking about, which suggests to me that 8:00 really is the Sports Time.

The question most people have been asking me since they heard we are moving the show to 8:00 is if I tone down my trademark Reiser persona now that we are in primetime when most children are sitting in front of their televisions because of absentee parents.  I am confident it will be the same show, mostly because I never understand that what I've done is wrong until someone is reprimanding me for it.  The show will still be about sports and I will still be the king because Reiser Is The King, even at 8:00.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close