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The High Reis: I Am Glad They Told Me The Show Is Moving To 8:00 This Time

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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The High Reis: I Am Glad They Told Me The Show Is Moving To 8:00 This Time

Today they told me that SportsDome is going to be on at 8:00 PM from now on instead of 10:30 PM.  I was glad they told me.  In the past when they changed the time for the show they didn't always tell me in time.  The last time they moved me on SportsDome I showed up either seven hours early or seventeen hours late, or both.  I am thankful that they told me today because I have advanced warning, but not so much that I'll eventually forget.

8:00 is a better time for sports anyway than 10:30 is.  That's why I call it the Sports Time.  Whenever somebody asks me what time it is and it's 8:00, I say, "it's Sports Time."  Or I did that once, anyway.  But the person knew what I was talking about, which suggests to me that 8:00 really is the Sports Time.

The question most people have been asking me since they heard we are moving the show to 8:00 is if I tone down my trademark Reiser persona now that we are in primetime when most children are sitting in front of their televisions because of absentee parents.  I am confident it will be the same show, mostly because I never understand that what I've done is wrong until someone is reprimanding me for it.  The show will still be about sports and I will still be the king because Reiser Is The King, even at 8:00.

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