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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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The High Reis: I Don't Care About Politics So Obama Shouldn't Care About Sports

I work in sports on television as a man who talks about the sports stories of the day. I get on TV and I say if the players did bad or if the coaches did bad or if the teams did bad. I don't care about people who make laws so I don't say things about things like that.

That is what drives me crazy about the President Barack Obama. He is saying the Bears are going to win the Super Bowl which is a sports thing.

He did this a long time ago when he said North Carolina would win the Final Four. He said this and at first I was like "who is this who cares what he says." Then I found out that he was the president when he said it and I'm like "when did that happen" and they're like "He was elected in November it was historic." I didn't know about it because I don't read the newspapers I watch a lot of sports.

Then he said he was sad LeBron went to the Miami Heat. come on, you're the president I don't go around caring about what YOU do. Do you make laws? Do you decide wars and judges? I don't even know and I won't know because I am busy doing SPORTS.

One last story as I said previously he is now saying that the Bears will win and he wants them to win. HELLO I think you have a JOB to do. I don't know what it is but I hear about your name a lot and I hear about the "president of the United States" a lot so you clearly have to be busy.

Anyway that's what I think about sports and politics.

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