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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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The High Reis: I Don't Care About Politics So Obama Shouldn't Care About Sports

I work in sports on television as a man who talks about the sports stories of the day. I get on TV and I say if the players did bad or if the coaches did bad or if the teams did bad. I don't care about people who make laws so I don't say things about things like that.

That is what drives me crazy about the President Barack Obama. He is saying the Bears are going to win the Super Bowl which is a sports thing.

He did this a long time ago when he said North Carolina would win the Final Four. He said this and at first I was like "who is this who cares what he says." Then I found out that he was the president when he said it and I'm like "when did that happen" and they're like "He was elected in November it was historic." I didn't know about it because I don't read the newspapers I watch a lot of sports.

Then he said he was sad LeBron went to the Miami Heat. come on, you're the president I don't go around caring about what YOU do. Do you make laws? Do you decide wars and judges? I don't even know and I won't know because I am busy doing SPORTS.

One last story as I said previously he is now saying that the Bears will win and he wants them to win. HELLO I think you have a JOB to do. I don't know what it is but I hear about your name a lot and I hear about the "president of the United States" a lot so you clearly have to be busy.

Anyway that's what I think about sports and politics.

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