The High Reis: Interview With Mark Shepard

Top Headlines


Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The High Reis: Interview With Mark Shepard

Today I was bored so I decided to make a blog post by interviewing my SportsDome co-anchor Mark Shepard. I recorded it all on my voice recorder, but I dropped it down the sewer accidentally so I reconstructed the interview from memory. I tried to do a good interview, so here it is.

Why do you like working at SportsDome?

He talked for a while after this question and I don't remember what he said. He mentioned sports once or twice and I think he said something about "human drama" which is one of his favorite phrases, but I don't know what it means and I don't care to know either.

How much do you get paid?

Mark refused to answer this question.

What's your favorite sport?

He said soccer, then I made fun of him for a while and he got mad in that way where he doesn't admit he's mad, but I could tell because he turned red and he kept looking away and sighing a lot. I told him soccer was a sport for idiots and it was boring.

Why do you like working at SportsDome?

I accidentally asked this question twice.

How did you start working at OSN?

I don't remember what he said for this question.

I asked him another question that I forgot and in his answer he said something about "devil's food cake." Then we talked about devil's food cake for a while but that was off the record.

I also did an interview with Melissa Wells who is not an anchor but is always hanging around the studio. She walked off halfway through because the questions I was asking were "over the line." She said she was going to HR and although I think she was bluffing I'm not going to post the interview because I am already on thin ice.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close