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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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The High Reis: My Suspension Gave Me The Opportunity To Think About Many Things

As you probably saw, Domers, tonight I made my return to the Dome after a long and difficult suspension. What I was alleged to have done or said on air is no longer of any importance. What matters is that I have learned many hard lessons about myself and my conduct, and I hoped to take this opportunity to talk about those lessons on a blog post written by me, Alex Reiser, of my own volition.

There are probably a lot of cynics out there who believe that I have been suspended so many times that it no longer has an effect on me. This is untrue. Each suspension I receive still hurts me. They force me to ask, "what have I done, as a person, and as a representative of the Onion Sports Network, to deserve this?" The truth is I almost never know.

Of course changing your personality and behavior are impossible. I am who I am and no amount of suspensions in the world will ever change that. I have now come to grips with the fact that I will never be a perfect Reiser. All I can hope is that I can stop doing the things that make them suspend me, or hope they stop suspending me for things I'm going to do anyway.

Glad to be back!

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