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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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The High Reis: What Was That Part At The End

Football has a lot of confusing rules. I have been watching football for many years and I still don't understand them.

What happened at that part at the end of the first half? There was that weird play and the refs made some call but I didn't understand it. At the time there was a kid outside shouting about something. There are a lot of kids at my condo development, I don't know why. I think there are more kids in the world in general. Anyway the kid was shouting and throwing what look to be a pie tin up into the branches of a tree. There was a shirt up there, I think his shirt was blown into the tree or else someone threw it up there. I told him to be quiet and then I missed them talking about the play.

So what happened.

Good for Auburn for winning. I thought they would have lost. No one can ever take your title away from you, although they can say Cam Newton was a cheater and your defense was garbage and you probably just got lucky and wouldn't stand a chance in a seven-game series. But you're still probably pretty happy, I guess.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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