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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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The Media: Are They Ganging Up On A-Rod?

NEW YORK—The Columbia Sports Journalism Review has released the results of a study initiated in mid-August to investigate whether an increase in news stories such as "K-Rod," "A-Rod Playing Whiff-le Ball," and "Sore Throat KO's A-Rod" constituted "ganging up" on the overpaid, underperforming, and petulant Yankees third-baseman. "After carefully analyzing the content of all 9,463 newspaper and magazine articles criticizing Rodriguez that were printed between August 15 and September 1, we have found neither factual errors nor evidence of reportage exceeding the normal standards of sports journalism," Columbia journalism professor John Dinges said Tuesday. "We also spoke to the reporters who exclusively cover A-Rod's performance for the Kansas City Star, Sacramento Bee, Albuquerque Tribune, and Boston Herald, and we found no appreciable misinterpretations or statistical discrepancies in their twice-daily coverage as that preening jackass continues to shit the bed." The CSJR study concluded by observing that all Rodriguez must do to gain the approval of the press would be to simply lead the Yankees to the World Series, be named MVP, and nail his smarmy mouth shut for good.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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