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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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The Most Underwhelming Super Bowls Of All Time

The Super Bowl is inevitably two weeks of intense hype before a sloppy, disappointing flameout filled with muffed kick returns, dropped passes and delay of game penalties. Here are some of the worst games in Super Bowl history:

Super Bowl XLII - NYG 17, NE 14
Fans expecting a high-powered offensive fireworks show instead got a dull defensive slugfest decided by a fourth-string wide receiver and Eli Manning of all people.

Super Bowl IX - PIT 16, MIN 6
With only nine Minnesota first downs and a 2-0 score at halftime, Super Bowl IX has come to be called the "Slap In The Face Game."

Super Bowl XXVIII - DAL 30, BUF 13
Where it was no longer fun to watch Jim Kelly lose all the time.

Super Bowl XXXVIII - NE 32, CAR 29
As brutal as the record 26 minutes and 55 seconds before the first score were for fans of offense, the 37-point fourth quarter in which everyone seemingly forgot how to tackle was equally humiliating for fans of stout defenses.

Super Bowl XXIX - SF 49, SD 26
In between slicing the porous San Diego defense, quarterback Steve Young walked around and got some reading done.

Super Bowl XXIV - SF 55, DEN 10
With the 49ers designated as 12-point favorites, no one even expected this game to be any good, and somehow it turned out even worse.

Super Bowl XXV - NYG 20, BUF 19
This Super Bowl is best known for the placekicker failing.

Super Bowl XII - DAL 27, DEN 10
The Cowboys were able to overcome a record 12 penalties by allowing Denver only 61 passing yards, in a game that was just heaven on earth for anyone who loves turnovers, holding and botched handoffs.

Super Bowl VII - MIA 14, WAS 7
In addition to the Redskins crossing midfield only once in the first half and being scoreless for the first 57:53 of the game, we also have the lowest-scoring Super Bowl in history to thank for giving us Mercury Morris.

Super Bowl III - NYJ 16, BAL 7
Jets quarterback Joe Namath famously guaranteed New York would win the game, which they did with a brutal clock-control strategy and by throwing zero passes in the fourth quarter that left even Jets fans wondering if it was worth it.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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