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The Most Underwhelming Super Bowls Of All Time

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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The Most Underwhelming Super Bowls Of All Time

The Super Bowl is inevitably two weeks of intense hype before a sloppy, disappointing flameout filled with muffed kick returns, dropped passes and delay of game penalties. Here are some of the worst games in Super Bowl history:

Super Bowl XLII - NYG 17, NE 14
Fans expecting a high-powered offensive fireworks show instead got a dull defensive slugfest decided by a fourth-string wide receiver and Eli Manning of all people.

Super Bowl IX - PIT 16, MIN 6
With only nine Minnesota first downs and a 2-0 score at halftime, Super Bowl IX has come to be called the "Slap In The Face Game."

Super Bowl XXVIII - DAL 30, BUF 13
Where it was no longer fun to watch Jim Kelly lose all the time.

Super Bowl XXXVIII - NE 32, CAR 29
As brutal as the record 26 minutes and 55 seconds before the first score were for fans of offense, the 37-point fourth quarter in which everyone seemingly forgot how to tackle was equally humiliating for fans of stout defenses.

Super Bowl XXIX - SF 49, SD 26
In between slicing the porous San Diego defense, quarterback Steve Young walked around and got some reading done.

Super Bowl XXIV - SF 55, DEN 10
With the 49ers designated as 12-point favorites, no one even expected this game to be any good, and somehow it turned out even worse.

Super Bowl XXV - NYG 20, BUF 19
This Super Bowl is best known for the placekicker failing.

Super Bowl XII - DAL 27, DEN 10
The Cowboys were able to overcome a record 12 penalties by allowing Denver only 61 passing yards, in a game that was just heaven on earth for anyone who loves turnovers, holding and botched handoffs.

Super Bowl VII - MIA 14, WAS 7
In addition to the Redskins crossing midfield only once in the first half and being scoreless for the first 57:53 of the game, we also have the lowest-scoring Super Bowl in history to thank for giving us Mercury Morris.

Super Bowl III - NYJ 16, BAL 7
Jets quarterback Joe Namath famously guaranteed New York would win the game, which they did with a brutal clock-control strategy and by throwing zero passes in the fourth quarter that left even Jets fans wondering if it was worth it.

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