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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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The Most Underwhelming Super Bowls Of All Time

The Super Bowl is inevitably two weeks of intense hype before a sloppy, disappointing flameout filled with muffed kick returns, dropped passes and delay of game penalties. Here are some of the worst games in Super Bowl history:

Super Bowl XLII - NYG 17, NE 14
Fans expecting a high-powered offensive fireworks show instead got a dull defensive slugfest decided by a fourth-string wide receiver and Eli Manning of all people.

Super Bowl IX - PIT 16, MIN 6
With only nine Minnesota first downs and a 2-0 score at halftime, Super Bowl IX has come to be called the "Slap In The Face Game."

Super Bowl XXVIII - DAL 30, BUF 13
Where it was no longer fun to watch Jim Kelly lose all the time.

Super Bowl XXXVIII - NE 32, CAR 29
As brutal as the record 26 minutes and 55 seconds before the first score were for fans of offense, the 37-point fourth quarter in which everyone seemingly forgot how to tackle was equally humiliating for fans of stout defenses.

Super Bowl XXIX - SF 49, SD 26
In between slicing the porous San Diego defense, quarterback Steve Young walked around and got some reading done.

Super Bowl XXIV - SF 55, DEN 10
With the 49ers designated as 12-point favorites, no one even expected this game to be any good, and somehow it turned out even worse.

Super Bowl XXV - NYG 20, BUF 19
This Super Bowl is best known for the placekicker failing.

Super Bowl XII - DAL 27, DEN 10
The Cowboys were able to overcome a record 12 penalties by allowing Denver only 61 passing yards, in a game that was just heaven on earth for anyone who loves turnovers, holding and botched handoffs.

Super Bowl VII - MIA 14, WAS 7
In addition to the Redskins crossing midfield only once in the first half and being scoreless for the first 57:53 of the game, we also have the lowest-scoring Super Bowl in history to thank for giving us Mercury Morris.

Super Bowl III - NYJ 16, BAL 7
Jets quarterback Joe Namath famously guaranteed New York would win the game, which they did with a brutal clock-control strategy and by throwing zero passes in the fourth quarter that left even Jets fans wondering if it was worth it.

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